I have purposed to live honestly and simply before you, and as such, I’d like to share some things that God is doing in our lives.  I’ve got several personal stories that I’d like to tell you over the next week or so.  Be sure and read all the way to the bottom of this post!

Many of you know that I have a tiny business on the side.  I make bears out of fabrics that are special to people.  For example, if a loved one has died, I might take a shirt or pair of blue jeans, or maybe a bedspread – and I sew it into a bear that can be hugged and held.  In essence, I take memories out of a box and put them into someone’s arms.  I love the concept.

I had a recent order for seven bears.  I was combining the clothing of a Grandfather and a Grandmother who had passed away.  The bears were to go to seven grandchildren.  It was so neat to see the bears come together.  The colors were mostly whimsical and vibrant.  I had a problem, though.  I was not able to find the stuffing material that I like to use – not at any location.  Not at Wal-Mart, nor Hobby Lobby, nor Jo-Ann’s, Amazon, Ebay…no where.

I continued to sew, and plan the eyes and ribbons, but the deadline was nearing and I needed to get these bears mailed out in time for them to arrive at their destination for Christmas.  At last the final night came and right before bed I tucked my materials away and said, “Lord, you know that I am going to need this Cluster Stuff.  There is no more work that I can do until I find the filling.  I can use inferior stuffing, but that won’t reflect well on my work.  Can you help me?”

And I went to bed.

The next morning I awoke.  Because I am not a morning person, I assumed my normal position in the corner of the couch, propped up with my coffee in hand.

I took a couple of sips, said “Good Morning, Lord,” then continued to stare into space.  (I am sooooo not a morning person.)

The Lord impressed upon me, “This would be a good day to head over to *********”  (Which is a town about 30 miles away.)  I pondered for a mere two minutes more, then got up and marshalled the familial troops.  We headed out of the door and into the van.

We drove to the little town, walked into the craft section of Wal-Mart, and there, sitting on the shelf was a brand new shipment of Cluster Stuff.  I can’t be sure, but I believe that a Heavenly Light was beaming down upon the display and angels were singing.    I gushed effusively to the elderly employee.  I am sure that she thought I was off my rocker.  Surely they don’t see women weeping over Cluster Stuff every day…thankfully no one arrived with a straight jacket nor a paddy wagon to haul me away to the funny farm.

That wasn’t all, though.

I went on to my favorite little discount grocery store, where the most delicious, gorgeous, lucious strawberries were on sale for .50 cents a pound.  I bought 8 pounds.  What an amazing treat for the month of December!  I won’t bore you with the other specials – but I left that store KNOWING that God had provided for our family once again.  Our hearts sang with Thanksgiving and praise to the ONE who had shown His care and concern.

And that wasn’t all.

We made record time for having a group of toddlers with us.  I even felt brave enough to venture into the antique glass-filled thrift store with a gaggle of little grasping hands.  I knew I was supposed to go there.

God has given us the understanding that we are to ask Him for all things, and the better understanding that He is the Provider of all that we have.  I am in the habit of talking to Him throughout the day.  I might say something like, “Lord, Sammy and Ben are going to need dress shoes.  And underwear.  Nick needs jeans.  Josiah needs shoes.”  It’s not always the material, either.  Sometimes it goes something like this, “Mommy needs patience.  Mommy needs courage.”

So we walked into the thrift store.  What did I find?  Black dress shoes for Sammy.  Shoes for Josiah.  Six pairs of BRAND NEW BUZZ LIGHTYEAR underwear.  (I always tell the children that God gives good.  He could give plain ol’ white underwear and we’d be perfectly thankful.  But He blesses those little boy hearts with Buzz Lightyear.  Faith building during the pre-school years.)  Blue jeans for Nick.  And even….even a top of the line really nice bike for Emily.  Emily has been needing a bike for several years.  Her hand-me-down from her brother’s hand-me-down just was worthless, and my girl needs an opportunity for exercise to stay healthy.

These aren’t isolated events.  God moves in our hearts and our lives over and over again.  We have to watch and listen, and we have to be sure and cultivate thankfulness, but He provides.  Isn’t He amazing?

God is doing so many amazing things in our lives right now.  It is so exciting to watch our children grow up and to grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Our oldest ones continue to grow and find God’s calling on their lives.  They are developing their skills and talents.  It’s a pretty awesome time in life.

But I’ve waited until the end to tell you the most exciting news of all!

Just this week, Jeff called me in the middle of the day and said, “I’ve got a new job!”  He has worked this past year as a family counselor for a private social service organization.  He has mostly counseled with families who have felt themselves drifting toward chaos and have self-referred for intervention and help.  The company has grown by leaps and bounds, and has expanded their departments and resources.  As of this week, he has been elevated to management and will be heading up the development and oversight of these departments.  This came as an utter surprise, as he had not applied for a specific position nor was he anticipating anything on the near horizon.  He is ready for this job, however, due to previous administrative organizational structure (and restructuring) work that he has done.  He’s already stepping into his new role as I type.

Thanks for letting me share these things with you – and THANK YOU, God!

Warning:  This might be too violent for some of you.   (These are my two eldest sons.  Did I just admit that?)

[googlevideo=http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4801198018330456734&hl=en]

As I look back now I can see how God had his hand so firmly on our lives. He provided for us in a variety of ways. We had a wonderful church family with many friends who allowed me to cry on their shoulders, but they also did tangible things like raking my leaves and helping me move furniture when needed. My needs were being met in ways I couldn’t even imagine. Once when we came home from church at Christmas time there was a card stuck in our door. The card was signed “Santa” and had a $100 bill inside. The kids were in shock, but it met a need (well, maybe more of a want) at that particular time as the kids really wanted to get some Christmas presents for each other. This provided the funds to do that. I was able to use that as another testament of how God provides even in the small things.

The big things He provided as well. I had an uncle whom I loved dearly that fixed up an old van for me so I didn’t have to get a vehicle with a payment. He knew as well as I that I couldn’t afford a payment. It was an old van but he made sure it worked and we loved that old van. Little did we know that not long after he gave us that van he bought another much newer van that had been damaged and he had it completely repaired and fine tuned and a couple of years down the road we were presented with this “new” van. It was amazing to me that at the time we were just so thankful for our old blue van that getting something newer had not even occurred to us. But we traded old Blue for the new van and again praised God for providing for us! (I still have my “new” van which is becoming old, but I can’t emotionally let it go.) I tried my hardest to point out to my children all of the ways that God provided for us and to be thankful.

There were so many things that I had to take responsibility for as a single mom. I was always timid and shy, but there was no time for that now, I had to face reality as it came. If something needed fixed, I had to find a way to get it fixed. We had a tree fall in our yard. I had to find someone to take it away. Taxes needed filing, I had to get that done. Not to mention when I had to hire an attorney – twice in three years. UGH! Who would have thought! I had no experience in this stuff. I wasn’t supposed to be doing all of this on my own! There were just so many times I yearned for someone to help me, but I knew I had take the responsibility myself. I had my children to love and provide for and this was all part of it. I wanted to be able to be an example to them.

During this time I did change. I could feel God working in my life personally. It was a time of gut-wrenching soul searching and just crying out to God to work in my life, for Him to “Make something good come out of something so ugly!” As the years passed and my life became more settled it was wonderful to see that I could manage on my own. I did have the strength to take care of my children, our home, work and keep my sanity! I worked during our marriage, but never more than 3 ½ days a week so I could spend as much time as possible with my children. Amazingly, I was able to continue that schedule and still was able to meet our needs financially. God is so good! I didn’t want my children losing any more of my time than they already were. They began to feel settled. Granted we didn’t “ask” for this life, but we were making the best of it and it was working. My oldest daughter was my right hand, my young son was my helper! (At 3 he helped me take plywood off of my kitchen wall and haul it outside to the trash.) My middle daughter kept things light and reminded us to “play” sometimes!

One thing I distinctly remember during that time of hurt and healing was the sadness that comes with the loss of a marriage. I was so sad and had to grieve the end of something I thought would last a lifetime. Sometimes that sadness would just wash over me like a wave crashing down on the beach and washing away everything in its path. Each time I would have to remember where my joy must come from – my Heavenly Father, not something earthly. I often wondered if I would ever truly feel “happy” again. Then one day as I was walking into a store I had this overwhelming peace and “happiness” wash over me. I knew at that moment that I would be happy, that God was with me, walking with me, guiding me, and giving me joy. It was an amazing feeling completely out of the blue. Isn’t God amazing how he surprises us sometimes!

After several years I could look at my life and say it wasn’t what I expected, but my life was good. I had three beautiful children, a home, a place of employment, a family that loved me, great friends and a church where we could find refuge. I had so many things to be thankful for. I could look at the journey and feel like I had survived. I knew God had great things planned for us. I just didn’t know what that would entail. Well, I was soon to find out.

(Holly’s note: And trust me – there’s much more to come! We’ll get back to the story in a few days!)